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One Life to Live Spoiler Commentary For the Week of September 1, 2008


Todd asks Marty to run away with him and start a new life outside of Llanview.

C: This is just too disturbing for me to even write something nasty or sarcastic about.

K: I can’t even conceive of Todd’s thought processes that would make him think he and Marty can make a life together.

Tess blackmails Tina into admitting she knows about the jewels and forces Tina to serve as Tess’s partner in crime.

C: This ought to be interesting. I hope it’s comical!

K: Tina seems like a think on her feet kinda gal. I hope she and Tess are evenly matched.

Shane accuses Rex of trying to ruin his family and declares that he wants nothing to do with Rex.

C: Of course he does! How else will there be drama about the “I’m your daddy” story?

K: So there! I feel for Shane. First he has no daddies and now he has two, both of whom want to really be his daddy.

Natalie awakens to find herself in the secret room beneath Llanfair and realizes her punishment and who her captor is.

C: Oh uh, that probably won’t go over very well now, will it? Natalie has always struck me as a little less intelligent than she thinks and really, she should have known better with this one.

K: Let’s think about this. Meals served, peace and quiet, does she get books, internet and TV? Cause I’m thinkin’ I wouldn’t mind a stint in the secret room, except for the can’t leave part. Does she get cleaning service?

Sarah tells Bo of Cristian’s disappearance.

C: Contract negotiations, perhaps?

K: Filler scene.

Blair discovers that John isn’t quite over Marty.

C: Um, duh. Like it should matter anyway. Blair isn’t quite over Todd, either. It’s not called “Rebound” for nothing!

K: She slept through Marty’s dream visitation or she’d wouldn’t be so surprised.

Mayor Lowell throws a kink in John’s plans.

C: What one might call ‘postponing the inevitable’?

K: I really can’t stand that guy but then again, I don’t think I am supposed to.

Tess lays down the facts for Natalie.

C: It probably goes something like this, “You stupid b****. You killed Nash and now you and your stupid boyfriend are dust.” Well, she’ll probably say it better, but you get the idea, right?

K: Yeah, what Carolyn said.

Langston searches the Internet for information about her relatives.

C: www.whitepages.com? Couldn’t she just jump in the car and head over to Pine Valley, hire Tad and get the information that way?

K: That could be dicey. What if she finds some and doesn’t like them?

Cole tries to ease Matthew’s fears about starting high school.

C: Just make sure to tell him to be careful in the bathroom. Swirlies are hugely popular.

K: Cole is just an all around nice guy. I hope he warns Matthew not to find a girlfriend and have unprotected sex.

The search for Cristian begins.

C: Yawn.

K: Double yawn.

Jared comes in contact with Langston’s uncle in Columbia.

C: And says, “Hey, you look like that guy from Santa Barbara!”

K: I love A. Martinez! He was the first soap actor I ever met. My Grandma went with me and we had a blast. She charmed his socks off and he gave us CD’s. Did I mention that I really like A. Martinez?

Cole calms Matthew’s fears.

C: Best done by teaching him how to hold his urine for 8 hours.

K: Don’t forget about the cafeteria food. Careful what you eat there.

Tina is consumed with guilt.

C: Now that’s got to be a new emotion for her!

K: Tina? The same character who stole the jewels and carries a dog?

Ray takes Jared’s offer and is released from prison.

C: And so it begins.

K: Langston gets an Uncle. And he’s HOT!!!!

Dorian tells Langston of her adoption plans.

C: Poor Langston. She has no clue what she’s in for.

K: Nothing like beating the poor girl over the head to make her a Kramer woman.

Rex seeks advice from Bo about how to deal with Shane.

C: Good scene! Love these two together!

K: Rex is going to make a great Dad as this storyline plays out.

Carlo gets revenge on Cristian.

C: And Carolyn is happy happy happy!

K: I’ll probably be making a PB&J sandwich while that happens.

Tina’s scheme to stop Tess hits a snag.

C: I like Tina but I think she might be biting off more than she can chew with this one. Tess is not one to be toyed with.

K: Well I hope it’s not a guilty snag. Where’s David Vickers? He could help her with Tess.

Shane has shocking news for Rex and Gigi.

C: Teenagers. What pains in the ass.

K: I bet it goes something like, “I am going to live with my OTHER Dad.”

Rex is shaken when Shane rejects him.

C: Well it wouldn’t be a soap opera if this didn’t happen, now would it?

K: Well now it’s time to step back and think things through. We can’t have Rex shaken too hard. He’s probably still recovering from almost going to fight in Vietnam.

Langston agrees to let Dorian adopt her.

C: Stupid is as stupid does.

K: No, Langston, no. Wait until your Uncle arrives!

Langston urges Cole to forgive Starr.

C: I think they’re wrong on this one. Cole is right. This child is his too and he gets a right to be a part of any decision made about the kid since she’s decided to go ahead and have it.

K: Didn’t she try to smooth things over between Cole and Starr last week?

Roxy gives Rex a shoulder to lean on.

C: Aw, that’s sweet. A bonding moment for Rex.

K: I’m happy that Roxy and Rex are making up.

Charlie has some wise advice for Rex.

C: I imagine we’ll soon find out he really is Rex’s father, won’t we?

K: I am trying to think of some wise advice but my mind is blank and I am hungry. Time for lunch. Maybe I can be wise after I eat.

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