Eye on Soaps' Pop Life

Popular culture, or pop culture: (literally: "the culture of the people") consists of widespread cultural elements in any given society. Such elements are perpetuated through that society's vernacular language or an established lingua franca. It comprises the daily interactions, needs and desires and cultural 'moments' that make up the everyday lives of the mainstream. It can include any number of practices, including those pertaining to cooking, clothing, consumption, mass media and the many facets of entertainment such as sports and literature. Popular culture often contrasts with a more exclusive, even elitist "high culture."

October 8, 2007

The Feel Good PopLife

This edition of PopLife, we will be focusing on different things designed to make us feel wonderful. For instance:

We are not married to Carrottop. I don't exactly know how the human body gets to be like that, but I'm picturing something like Japanese foot binding or that fake page where they put kittens in jars or other means of warping bones and poofing out muscles in places where they just ought not be poofed out. The hair looks like a Strawberry Shortcake doll of old that was given to a four-year-old who tried to brush it, then left it out in the rain. He has cadaver fingernails. Don't get me started on the eye make up. Poor guy, he just looks broken in so many ways.

Remember Ashford and "Solid as a Rock?" Simpson? (I almost called them Ashford and "Reunited" Simpson, but that was Peaches and Herb) They used to look like this:

But now they look like this:

She looks like she's about to cry (in both photos) and he kind of looks like...an African-American version of Carrottop.

Bea Arthur is getting older.

So is Cher.

Britney doesn't even look a little bit like this. She really looks like this:

Courtney Love...not looking so great. OK, I know, that's not such a stretch.

Juliette Lewis looking really testosteroney.

Kelly Ripa with no make up going through a drive through to get fast food.

Kiera Knightly with no shortage of teeth.

Ditto Maria Shriver.

Pregnant Nicole Ritchie wearing some bodaciously fugly shoes. (I'll bet the kid got a nosebleed in there from the altitude)

Pam Anderson with no make up.

Rumer Willis looking like Spike (from Buffy) and a bag lady had a child.

The other two Willis kids: Tallulabelle and Scout.
("Willis" as in Bruce and Demi's kids)

The Sex and the City girls wearing really, really bad clothes.

Winona Rider looking like she finally just snapped.

This is 70-year-old Kathy Jung who has the world's smallest waist at 15 inches, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. She got her waist that small by wearing corsets for years and calls herself "The Queen of Corsets." I'm the queen of "I don't want to look like that," not that there's really any danger of it.

Seventy-five year old Elizabeth Taylor is engaged to future husband #9, businessman Jason Winters who is 1) really rich and 2) 28 years younger than she is.

Nicolas Cage woke up on October 1st to find a strange man walking around his house, completely naked except for the jacket he was wearing...which was Nicolas Cage's jacket. Yeah, he called the police and the guy was booked.

HAHAHAHA. I love my life. This happened back in 2005, but I just heard about it. Paris Hilton took her stupid pet monkey, "Baby Luv" shopping with her in Los Angeles and I guess the thing lost its mind and started just attacking the shit out of Pairs in the Agent Provocateur shop. The monkey clawed her and bit her and shrieked and went insane, but she just wrestled the thing off her head and leashed his little ass to a cabinet and went on shopping, buying about $400 worth of designer underwear and a bullwhip. I'm betting ol' Baby Luv found out what that bullwhip was for when she got his monkey ass home.

Lastly, to cap off this "feel good" column, here's Mike Rowe:

Vewwy, Vewwy Nice!

Now don't you feel better about life in general and who you are in the world? I've got pretty shoes, I know not to mix prints and separates, I have not been married 8 times going on 9 (OK, he's a gazillionaire, there's that), I don't have fangs, celebrities are all airbrushed to inhuman, unrecognizable plastic, a monkey definitely did NOT kick my ass today, I don't have a strange, nekkid man in my kitchen wearing my coat, Mike Rowe is gorgeous and God is in his Heaven and all is right in this wonderful, funky life. Yeah, I'm feelin' pretty good here.

And that, my friends, is all for now!