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Jack's Adventures at the GHFCW, 2008

Well, my name is Jack and I am here to tell you about my adventures at the GHFCW.  As it says in "A Tale of Two Cities," "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times."  I experienced such a rolly coaster of emotions from the time I first heard of this event until I got home.  Here, let me show you.

For me personally, it all began with a phone call when Mz. Debbie Morris, the coordinator and zookeeper of the event called me up and asked me to be her special guest at the event.  I was overwhelmed, to stay the least.  I am the #1 GH fan ever as anyone, including Mz. Morris, knows, but I was unaware that such a beast as this General Hospital party existed.

My heart was up in my throat and I could barely speak.  Quickly, I headed out without even pausing to pack.

When I arrived at the Sportsmonkeys Lodge, I did my best to get checked in, but I kept getting distracted by different interesting, shiny things, like this ride they had installed onto the wall for me.  It was most entertaining.  That part was really fun.

When I did go to check in, the suite I requested wasn't ready, so I had to wait and wait and decided to do a photo shoot.

I desperately wanted a photo of myself with my butt on the lion's head fountain and after asking many, many people, I finally found one who would take my picture.  People can be very harsh and cruel when they are addressed by a monkey with a glamorous side.  I tell myself they are jealous and I believe it is so.

Can you see me?  I look like one of the flowers, don't I?

See?  Psst.  I'm here!!

I spent easily 8-9 minutes believing this dog was speaking to me, when in actuality, he was talking to someone on his phone earpiece.  Boy, did I feel stupid.  Hahaha.

The decal on this car reminded me of the days I spent in the Playboy Mansion with Hef and the bunnies.  I like bunnies. 

The bushy cow in the driveway made my booty itch.

After being overserved at the pool bar, I took a break on this rock next to the waterfall.  I woke up there the next morning, having missed all of Friday's festivities.

I am sending this shot into the producers of the show "Survivorman" to vie for the lead part.

I thought they might enjoy another shot of the same pose.  I love how the green grasses make my eyes "pop."

My favorite moments of the weekend were spent lounging by the pool.  It's a good thing since the hotel never did get my reservation right.  As it turned out, I never really even needed a room.

I got so involved with the photo shoot that I completely forgot that the main luncheon was underway, so I hurried in to pay my regards to Mz Morris and have a moment with Steve Burton, who is a major monkey fan.  That little girl has her thumb on my butt, or maybe it was Steve.  Someone did anyway.

After the whole "thumb on the butt" thing, I felt a little skeevey like I needed some air and that is when things took ugly and took a very dark turn.  It was like I turned a corner into nightmare world.  First, this frickin chicken with the weird leg tried to eat me.  I was so traumatized that I spent the rest of the night in the Waterfall Room re-gathering my chi and trying not to cry.

I woke up here with the sound of a train coming and no memory of how I got here.  I think it was that chicken that put me here.

I tried to escape before the train came, but I was a little disoriented and ended up further down the track and nowhere near safety.  I think that chicken put a roofie in my drink.  Never trust a chicken. 

Then a fish tried to eat me as well.  All in all, not a good day. 
I believe the fish knew the chicken.

This is a giant parrot in the lobby.  I used it to try
some aversion therapy to overcome my new fear
of chickens.  It did not work.  Even Colonel Sanders
scares me now.  Big Bird too.  And brass, apparently.
Fish are even worse.  I can't watch "Finding Nemo."

That being the case, I decided to have my driver take me back
home again.  This hotel is just too dangerous for me and I longed
to get back to the safety of my man cave. 

So that is my review of the GH Fan Club Weekend. 

My advice:  Don't stay
at the Sportsmonkeys Lodge. 
Things will try to eat you
and they will not get
your reservation right.

That is all.


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