Well, my name is Jack and I am here to tell you about my adventures at the GHFCW.  As it says in "A Tale of Two Cities," "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times."  I experienced such a rolly coaster of emotions from the time I first heard of this event until I got home.  Here, let me show you.

For me personally, it all began with a phone call when Mz. Debbie Morris, the coordinator and zookeeper of the event called me up and asked me to be her special guest at the event.  I was overwhelmed, to stay the least.  I am the #1 GH fan ever as anyone, including Mz. Morris, knows, but I was unaware that such a beast as this General Hospital party existed.

My heart was up in my throat and I could barely speak.  Quickly, I headed out without even pausing to pack.

When I arrived at the Sportsmonkeys Lodge, I did my best to get checked in, but I kept getting distracted by different interesting, shiny things, like this ride they had installed onto the wall for me.  It was most entertaining.  That part was really fun.

When I did go to check in, the suite I requested wasn't ready, so I had to wait and wait and decided to do a photo shoot.

I desperately wanted a photo of myself with my butt on the lion's head fountain and after asking many, many people, I finally found one who would take my picture.  People can be very harsh and cruel when they are addressed by a monkey with a glamorous side.  I tell myself they are jealous and I believe it is so.

Can you see me?  I look like one of the flowers, don't I?

See?  Psst.  I'm here!!

I spent easily 8-9 minutes believing this dog was speaking to me, when in actuality, he was talking to someone on his phone earpiece.  Boy, did I feel stupid.  Hahaha.

The decal on this car reminded me of the days I spent in the Playboy Mansion with Hef and the bunnies.  I like bunnies. 

The bushy cow in the driveway made my booty itch.

After being overserved at the pool bar, I took a break on this rock next to the waterfall.  I woke up there the next morning, having missed all of Friday's festivities.

I am sending this shot into the producers of the show "Survivorman" to vie for the lead part.

I thought they might enjoy another shot of the same pose.  I love how the green grasses make my eyes "pop."

My favorite moments of the weekend were spent lounging by the pool.  It's a good thing since the hotel never did get my reservation right.  As it turned out, I never really even needed a room.

I got so involved with the photo shoot that I completely forgot that the main luncheon was underway, so I hurried in to pay my regards to Mz Morris and have a moment with Steve Burton, who is a major monkey fan.  That little girl has her thumb on my butt, or maybe it was Steve.  Someone did anyway.

After the whole "thumb on the butt" thing, I felt a little skeevey like I needed some air and that is when things took ugly and took a very dark turn.  It was like I turned a corner into nightmare world.  First, this frickin chicken with the weird leg tried to eat me.  I was so traumatized that I spent the rest of the night in the Waterfall Room re-gathering my chi and trying not to cry.

I woke up here with the sound of a train coming and no memory of how I got here.  I think it was that chicken that put me here.

I tried to escape before the train came, but I was a little disoriented and ended up further down the track and nowhere near safety.  I think that chicken put a roofie in my drink.  Never trust a chicken. 

Then a fish tried to eat me as well.  All in all, not a good day. 
I believe the fish knew the chicken.

This is a giant parrot in the lobby.  I used it to try
some aversion therapy to overcome my new fear
of chickens.  It did not work.  Even Colonel Sanders
scares me now.  Big Bird too.  And brass, apparently.
*shudder* 
Fish are even worse.  I can't watch "Finding Nemo."

That being the case, I decided to have my driver take me back
home again.  This hotel is just too dangerous for me and I longed
to get back to the safety of my man cave. 

So that is my review of the GH Fan Club Weekend. 

My advice:  Don't stay
at the Sportsmonkeys Lodge. 
Things will try to eat you
and they will not get
your reservation right.

That is all.

Good-bye.