September 9, 2008

Break out the confetti!  Sound the trumpet! Play the Hallelujah Chorus!  The down, dirty, sex in a limo has seen the light of day!  Please have a champagne mojito on the house, not too dry, not too sweet, but full of punch!  Honestly, folks I was afraid this secret would never come out again.  Color me shocked that The Powers That Be were just waiting for a good moment to spill the beans.  After a year when everyone in town except Lucky knew that Jake was born in a leather jacket, I’d lost hope that secrets could be kept longer than a sweeps season. 

Just how convenient was it that Jax decided to move back in with Carly approximately two minutes before Clarice overhead Diane and Max gossiping?  It’s so typical of Carly to try and explain why she cheated on her husband yet still berated him for a kiss by whimpering, “It just happened.”  Give it a day or two, the woman will have found a way to blame it on Jax.  When that happens, my television will need a force field to block the shoe I’m going to throw at her.    And I don’t even like Jax.  He did get brownie points for calling out that she would have let him “be another dupe like AJ.” 

As for the fallout with Sonny and Kate, I had to admire Kate’s style when taking him to task.  Sonny did a lot of stammering and tried to sway her with how she’s made him a better person but I’m not buying it and I hope that Kate doesn’t either.  This isn’t about any supposed connection between Sonny and Carly or even grieving for their son, it’s about the fact that the man just can’t keep it in his pants.  He’s either cheated on or with almost every woman he’s been with in the past fifteen years—Sonny doesn’t need to stay away from Carly to stay faithful, he needs a padlocked zipper. 

Are we really supposed to believe that the father of the deceased is able to prosecute a capital case?  It’s ridiculous, nearly as much so as believing that a judge would just take Scott’s word for it that Logan was an undercover cop.  Yes, she did in fact say she didn’t need to review Scotty’s fabricated evidence.  Is he paying her under the table?  I’m going to take this moment to register how sad I am that Scott Baldwin is being portrayed as nothing but a bloodthirsty jerk in all this.  He hasn’t really been given a point of view since he returned to town and I think it’s a complete injustice to a character with such history on the show to be portrayed only as a revenge-filled ogre. 

Ghost Logan, I shall miss thee dearly.  Such great times we had together, while you twiddled your thumbs and shouted “Boo!” with your eyes on Lulu, time and time again.  Oh, what bittersweet torture to never see you find that perfect flashlight angle that would best illuminate your cheekbones!  Please take your honored resting place beside TrackSuit Alan and bless us with your hauntings on occasion. 

Robin, honey, you keep talking about how your parents’ marriage didn’t last because they couldn’t make things work but I’ve got news for you.  The marriage ended because their cruise ship was blown up!  It’s kind of difficult to make it work when neither party is aware that the other one is alive.   Which makes me wonder, are Robert and Anna actually still married?  Assuming they were never divorced, whatever shenanigans Anna participated in at Pine Valley would be null and void.  Wouldn’t it be lovely if Robert and Anna were still wed after all these years?  I vote for a 15^th Anniversary Celebration! 

The proof for me that Lulu is actually having a hallucination of Laura rather than real interaction was Laura’s retelling of the night of the lullaby montage.  Lulu believes that her mother is weak and would freeze up when confronted with danger but the real Laura Spencer would not.  On that night, once she knew her family was under attack, she put down her baby girl and reached for a gun.  Lulu’s been told by all those around her that her mother cracked under pressure but the reality of the woman would teach her something else entirely.  It really is a shame she grew up without the examples of her very human yet very able parents.          

Coming up this week, more courtroom drama!  Please stop by for a bite between cross-examinations or to take a break from the shrieking that will inevitably occur when Lulu takes the stand.  I’m serving a menu full of food that will relax you as you try to make sense of the inconsistencies of Port Charles law.  We’ve got pork tenderloin rubbed with chamomile and lemon, mashed potatoes with a smooth, velvety black truffle gravy, and for dessert, bourbon-spiked milk with chai chocolate cookies.  Just remember, a case like this can only happen in Port Charles.