For the Week of November 26th

Spoilers compliments of www.sagesplace.com

OLTL 

Clint ends his relationship with Dorian.

K:  I am surprised that it lasted this long.  Rest assured Dorian will be fine.  After all, she has Charlie, Viki’s new beau, to focus on stealing.

C: Yup, she’ll be on him like white on rice.

Alex divorces David for adultery and heads off for St. Blazes on her yacht.

K:  That was quick.

C: It’s not like we thought she’d stick around anyway.

David discovers that his prenuptial agreement with Alex is worthless.

K:  Meaning the yacht and island should have been his to rip off?  He better chase that woman down!

C: He’s got better things to do on Wisteria Lane. Quick ending to what could have been a fun storyline.

As she is leaving Texas, Alex unknowingly runs over Dorian with her car.

K:  Every time I read this I laugh.  How can she “unknowingly” run over a human being?  A human body would create quite the thump.

C: I’m thinking that had to hurt. 

Jared blackmails Nigel into giving him the letter.

K:  That’s it!  Jared hit the top of my bad guy list.  Anyone who picks on Nigel will end up sorry!

C: He hit my lists top when I read he was going to ‘fake’ being a Buchanan and is smackin’ it with Natalie.  Gross!

When he reads about David being entitled to a seat on the BE board, Jared devises a plan.

K:  Gonna be hard to slide oh-by-the-way-we-are-related by Natalie after their big suck face fest.

C: My point above, exactly.

Nigel tries to give Jared second thoughts about his plan by asking what Natalie would think.

K:  Don’t waste your time, Nigel.  Let’s arrange for Alex to “unknowingly” run Jared over.

C: If Jared really cared what Natalie thought he wouldn’t be doing this in the first place?

Hey, cuz.

Jared begins his quest to pass himself off as the rightful heir.

K:  Get a life, Jared.  Your own.

C: That was a good one Kathy!

Jared carefully swipes some of David's hair should a DNA test be required for proof of identity.

K:  Like a thief in the night, he sneaks into David’s bathroom and swipes his hairbrush.

C: Or was it pubes?  Sorry, some comments can’t be held back.

Natalie is not receptive to Nash's advice to her regarding Jared.

K:  And this is a spoiler, why?

C: Not that it matters anyway.  Nash has become a caricature of himself.  So has Jessica, by the way.

Jared forces Nigel to introduce him as Asa's long lost son.

K:  Wow, Jared must have something good over Nigel.  Have I mentioned lately that I don’t like Jared?

C: Hey, at least Nigel’s got some screen time. 

Todd calls Viki and fills her in on the Tommy and Marcie story.

K:  Probably Viki can hear Todd talking through the walls from Todd’s hotel room next to hers.

C: Yeah, this whole “We’re in the same hotel but haven’t even passed each other in the hallway or outside” thing is really stretching it, even for a soap.

David sees Marcie and tells her he'll keep quiet...for a price.

K:  Yep, that’s the David we all know and love.

C: Of course David sees her…he’s heading out of town and back to Wisteria Lane, where of course the damn tornado will probably kill him.

Marcie phones Michael to ask him to come up with $1 million for David.

K:  Wow, that’s nervy.  Bye.  I love you.  Forget about us….umm, after you give me a million bucks.

C: If I were Michael, I’d tell her to screw off and find it herself. 

Todd makes Michael sad.

K:  Michael makes me sad.  Can you feel the synchronicity?

C: Michael’s sadness is totally brought on by his own actions.  Sorry Mikey, you get full credit for this one.

Charlie follows a lead on where his son might be and ends up at the Buchanan ranch.

K:  Knock, knock, anyone seen my son the sleazy con artist?  His name is Jared, aka fake Buchanan.

C: Can the writer’s be just a little more unique? 

On his way there, Charlie finds Dorian, who has been injured by Alex running her over.

K:  Ahh, so that’s how he slides into Dorian’s heart.  Anyone knows rescuers of woman who have been unknowingly run over are irresistible.

C: Yeah, my husband found me on the side of the road run over and limping.  He took me home and it’s been true love ever since. 

Dorian and Charlie hit it off and she invites him to return to Llanview with her.

K:  If he accepts (and we know he will) he might fall a couple pegs since he is supposed to be looking for his sleazy son.

C: And he says, “Oh, but wait.  I have this chick I’m totally in to and I don’t think it’s right for me to head off to parts unknown with you.”  Nah, won’t happen.

David goes into the diner and sees Viki, asking if she's actually Niki Smith again.

K:  Now this will be a fun scene to watch!  I bet it was great fun to write.

C: Yeah because there ain’t much writing going on these days.

Noelle whaps him on the head, knocking him out, but when he comes to, Viki tells him the truth.

K:  I can see where David might have his doubts about Viki’s life as a waitress and think Niki is in control again.

C: Why did Noelle whap him?  Where’s that fit into the conversation? 

Gigi sees half-dressed David in Viki's room and gets the wrong idea.

K:  Oh who cares.  We only have limited opportunities to watch David half naked before he moves to a new time slot in prime time.  Let the man whip off that shirt and strut as much as he can!

C: I’d be in there hollerin’ “Go Viki!  It’s your birthday!”

Nash fills Charlie in on Jared.

K:  Your son is a sleazy con artist who puts the moves on his relatives.

C: Ew.  Kathy, you said it all.  No commentary from Carolyn necessary.

Jared ejects his father from the ranch grounds.

K:  No wonder Charlie feels free to take Dorian up on her invitation to visit La Bule.

C: A guy’s gotta go somewhere to nurse his wounds, right?

Nora and Clint fill Bo in on everything that happened on the ranch...well...not everything.

K:  Some things are private.  Like marrying and divorcing one and kissing the other brother later.

C: Yeah, thankfully I don’t find my husband’s brother attractive…

John and Ramsey follow clues in Patrick's poetry book that lead them to Ireland.

K:  Sigh.  More bickering cop scenes, I presume?  Maybe they’ll read poetry in between to break up the monotony.  

C: That’s funny Kathy!  I want to see that!

We learn that it's Patrick's best friend, Simon, who is holding Marty and Cole captive.

K:  I am waiting to meet Simon because I love an Irish accent.

C: That’s part of the reason I just went to see “August Rush”…the Irish accents…plus the guy from “Moonlight”.  Yum.  Oh, wait.  I’m off track here, sorry. 

K:  You got to see the guy from Moonlight?  He’s totally hot in a who-cares-if-he’s-a-vampire-when-his-pants-fit-so-well kind of way.

Marty learns that it was Simon who killed Patrick.

K:  But I bet she doesn’t learn an Irish accent.

C: Does she learn to die her hair red again?  I liked it better red.  Oh, I know.  Wrong gal.

Simon is certain that Marty is privy to key secrets Patrick had when he died and threatens to kill Cole if she doesn't tell him.

K:  Trying to care here, but not succeeding so far.

C: Ditto.

Blair and Todd try to comfort Starr as she is frantic with worry over Cole.

K:  Oh that must mean that Todd pats her shoulder and if she’s lucky Blair gives her a hug before they go back to their own self absorbed little worlds.

C: Snap!

Ramsey and John disagree about how best to save Marty and Cole.

K:  Yada, yada, yada.  Read me a poem.

C: Roses are read, violets are blue.  This storyline’s boring and John is too. How’s that?

Talia kisses Antonio, but he lets her down easy, saying that he has been aware that she has feelings for him.

K:  How can Antonio look so good and be such a nerd?

C: Genetics.

Looks like he’s kissing her back in this picture!

Cris kisses Sarah, but she knows he still loves Evangeline.

K:  So that makes it a rebound kiss?  An experiment in hormones kiss?  A checking the sexual barometer kiss?  C’mon, I need definition here.

C: It makes it a try at chemistry kiss.

Sarah and Talia talk about their romantic woes with Layla.

K:  I wonder if girl talk on OLTL goes like girl talk on GH?  Do they have to lick it, suck it, and slam it?  (And if you don’t watch GH, I bet you’re intrigued now!)

C: I want to know when these girls all became good friends anyway?  I saw maybe on eppy where they actually talked.  Before that, nothing.

GH 

Lucky returns to check on Luke.

C: And Luke drops a bomb.

K:  Oh boy, I’ve been hanging around my kids too much because all I can think is “Luke farted?”

Nikolas has nightmares about Emily's death.

C: Yes, we know.  We’ve seen them…over and over and over again.

K:  In the same dress.  Poor Natalia, what a way to end your stint on a soap with 4 months in the same clothes.  Maybe they’ll give her a track suit like Alan wears.

Dillon and Ned return for Emily's funeral.

C: Yup, we know that too.  They did that on Friday.

K:  Hmm, I can’t say the more the merrier, but Emily’s funeral should fill the studio.

Jason decides to go the funeral after Carly convinces him to do so, but he remains hidden out of respect for Monica.

C: Poor Monica.  She’s had a rough year.  Jason’s really all she’s got left.

K:  Ah yes, Monica, the viper in mourning.  It’s ironic that while Anthony Zacchara terrorized the ball attendees at Wyndemere and may or may not have murdered Emily, Jason and Sonny didn’t draw him there.  Johnny and Lulu did.  I don’t see Monica loosing her wicked, blame the nearest person tongue on either of them.

My Dad’s crazy.

Mine’s deranged.

I love you.

Elizabeth sees Jason as she delivers a heartfelt eulogy for her friend.

C: And they stare at each other with love in their eyes and then, CUT TO COMMERCIAL!

K:  LOL, a look is worth a thousand words.  Oh wait, that’s picture.  Oh well, there will be screen caps all over the net within minutes with ecstatic Liason fans worshiping at the alter of their love.

The look of love that tickles the hearts of Jason and Liz fans.

Jason asks Sonny to go speak to Monica on his behalf, but Monica blasts Sonny for destroying her family...and he cannot refute what she says.

C: I’m thinking Sonny wasn’t really the best choice for that conversation. 

K:  And Sonny, so used to taking the blame, doesn’t bring up the fact that Anthony followed Johnny to the ball to murder Lulu.  He just got side tracked with all the other warm bodies running around.

Nikolas returns to Wyndemere, heartbroken after the funeral, and finds a very real Emily waiting there for him.

C: Does she wonder why she can’t change out of the dress? That would be my first question.

K:  I hope they dry clean it between takes.

Nikolas believes Emily to be a ghost and that he's finally gone nuts, but he can touch her and kiss her and be with her, so who cares?

C: Me.  Something’s just not right about that.  If it were true, I’d totally have Andy Garcia here to touch, kiss and be with.  Totally.

K:  Me too.  Only not Andy Garcia, I’m still thinking about the guy from Moonlight.

He fills her in on her death as she has no memory of the ball after coming into the room where she died.

C: This ought to be interesting to watch.

K:  I can hear the conversation now, over and over, until NL’s contract runs out.

            Nik:  Emily, you’re dead.

            Emily:  No, I’m not.

            Nik:  Yes, you are.  That’s why you’re wearing the same dress.

            Emily:  I like this dress.  Don’t you like this dress?

            Nik:  But you’re dead.

            Emily:  No, I’m not.

Emily tells Nikolas that he would never hurt her.

C: Yeah, it was probably Cooper.  He’ll end up the fall guy, I’m sure.

K:  Except for whole choke ‘er til she’s dead dream.

Does this man look guilty to you?

Jason leaves the funeral and goes to Elizabeth's house to wait for her.

C: So they can have dirty, mourning sex?  Cool. Oh, okay.  Maybe not.  Damn it.

K:  We’ll at least get some passionate kissing out of it.  Who knows, maybe a shirt will come off, but I’m not holding my breath.

When she returns, they spend time with the boys as a family and for a moment, they feel like a "normal" couple/family.

C: And then Lucky walks in.

K:  Liz’s idea of family is sounding like Carly’s.  “Heeere’s your Daddy.”  “And heeere’s your new Daddy.”  “And now heeere’s your other Daddy back.”

Then stupid Lucky shows up and ruins the moment by berating Elizabeth again.

C: See, I’m so smart!

K:  I like that name.  Let’s just call him Stupid Lucky until he redeems himself.

Jason is hurt when he sees how easily fatherhood comes to Lucky, who insists to Elizabeth that he still wants to be father to Cameron and Jake.

C: Lucky’s got his own skeletons to deal with Jason, don’t sweat it.

K:  Poor Lucky, skeletons and Sam to contend with.  He’s doomed.

Sam:  Psst!  Lucky, take the kids.

Luke and Tracy receive bad news:  Either Luke has the bypass surgery or he will die.

C: Sort of makes their decision for them, doesn’t it?

K:  I thought they received that news last week?

Luke sneaks out of the hospital.

C: Stupid man.

K:  Like son, like father. 

Trevor tries to forge an agreement with Sonny, but Jason and Sonny are plotting to rid Port Charles of Ric's daddy forever.

C: And it happens, too.  Say buh bye Trevor. 

K:  Buh bye, Trevor!

Anthony Zacchara lies vulnerably incapacitated in General Hospital.

C: Yeah, probably his day sucks.

K:  LOL, I read that first as “Anthony Zacchara lies vulnerably decapitated in General Hospital.”  Talk about gruesome picture in my head!

Carly wants to make a baby with Jax.

C: Is she looking for instructions?

K:  Yeah, I always want to make babies after an attempted choking.  How about you?

Georgie tries to tell Spinelli that she has feelings for him.

C: Spinelli’s an idiot.  He ought to be able to figure this out already.

K:  I agree with you, Carolyn.  How many hints does Georgie have to drop?

The second killer has a new target in mind:  Georgie.

C: Oh well, it was a good ride Georgie.

K:  At least she’ll get to wear different clothes in different scenes until she goes to the big character soap vault in Guza’s office.