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Wake me when it’s over…or, do those couples just seem comatose, or are they actually kissing? Bad couples. Bad, bad couples. How am I supposed to get my vicarious fix of steamy sex when the players are so lackluster and obviously not that into one another? Todd and Blair. Ugg. Not again. Antonio and Jessica. Eww. Can we get any more gross? Sure we can! Christian and Evangeline. Bleh. Let’s face it: Todd and Blair may be a super couple but who cares about throwing them back together? Give them some time apart before trying to patch things back up between them. The story would be much more captivating if there were actually a break that allowed the viewers (and the characters!) to remember why they were together in the first place. Instead, this hurried rush seems strained, overdone, and not a natural progression from the death row storyline. Yes, it is understandable that Blair would feel the desire to make up for her lack of faith in Todd. Still, their relationship is not an easy one to fix. The inevitable reunion would be that much more poignant if there were a longer gap of time before they succumbed to one another, yet again… As for Antonio and Jessica, I guess I’m just a spoiled sport. I hate looking at the returned Jessica, all dull and responsible, dutifully doing whatever Antonio asks. I hate looking at the huffing and puffing Antonio, his neck muscles twitching while he narrows his eyes in endless suspicion. His balloon and baby marriage proposal was so underwhelming that I halfway expected Marcie and Al to be there, thereby sealing it as the most uninteresting scene ever. Adding insult to injury, we have the torture of watching Nash’s flashbacks of Tess…back when Bree Williamson was actually charming, fresh, and delightful to watch. Sigh. Now the new, integrated Jessica can run errands and tend to her fiancé. Whoopdedoo. Riveting television, I tell you. Still, no couple falls so flat as Evangeline and Chris. What a sleeper. Their friendship seemed promising at the beginning (at least I think it did… my mind is numbed to all aspects of them at this point). Now, Christian is playing the suspicious Vega card and Evangeline is all doped up on her “I’m so in love and that’s why I’m trying so hard to seem that way” speeches and meanwhile, there’s some fixed fight plotline going on that holds about a negative one out of ten on interest level. Hmm. Will Christian win?! Who frickin’ cares. Have they even slept together yet? Would we notice? It seems to me that riveting relationships are the stuff that soaps are made of: the fiery give and take of a sparring couple, the sweeping romance of attentive lovers. These pathetic pairings seem forced at best. Simply putting two actors in close proximity over a matter of weeks is not a successful method for creating sparks. By Amber Barton |
