Loyalty or Penis Envy?


Oh for Pete’s sake.  Was there anyone that actually *bought* that crap yesterday?

What crap you ask?  Well – considering we *are* discussing General Hospital, and they have certainly laid a fair amount of crapola on the viewers lately, let me be more specific.


This crap:


“Jason: I don't know if I could kill you. I thought it was impossible. I thought I knew that about myself, just like I knew I could never tell someone else how to live their life. But if you had been responsible for Sam getting shot, I would feel like I could. But if I had to pull the trigger -- I don't know. Right now, I don't know anything. I know that I respect you more than anyone I ever met. I admire you. I learned so much from you. Maybe it seems like I don't think that you're good enough for my sister, but that is -- that's not it. I just know there's a part of you that you can't control, because I have seen it, and Emily will get hurt. So I have to do everything I can to stop it. I owe it to her as her brother. That's why I did what I did with the business. I just -- I assumed that you would -- you would know that. I assumed that you would realize that I am not your enemy, sonny, and I never will be.”


Excuse me?  The man tried to kill him.  Ok ok – so he “took it back” but still!  He admires him?  Admires what exactly?  His loyalty?  Let’s examine Sonny’s version of loyalty.  Sonny’s version means that you must do whatever he says, whenever he says it, never lie to him, never hide anything from him, and most of all…


Never ever ask him for anything.  Because the one thing Jason did ask him for, he couldn’t do.  Nope – heaven forbid that he corral the Magic Penis for the sake of his best friend and right hand man.  The very idea that Jason would ask irritated Sonny so much that he spent the next month hiding behind couches, lying to Jason and hiding his so called relationship with Emily from him.  You know – the things that when *other* people do them, leads to the familiar “You are DEAD to me.”  Only apparently in Jason’s case, it was almost literal.


Is it Sonny’s honor that Jason admires?  Hmmm – I think we’ve already established that when it comes to the will of the Magic Penis, Sonny has no honor.  Maybe it’s his business acumen – after all, he did build that whole Gummiebear Mob empire all on his own.  With the help of a lot of minions who do all the work while Sonny “looks ahead.”  (Damit.  Did you see my eyeballs rolling right out of my head yet again?  I should wear glasses or something to prevent that when I’m writing about Sonny.)


But lately even Sonny’s business sense has gone by the wayside, as he makes bad decisions left and right because he’s too busy giving the Magic Penis free reign.  So there goes that idea.  It can’t be looks that Jason admires, because we all know, dimples are cute but they are no match for the full package that is The Jason.  (even if he doesn’t take his shirt off anymore).


Face it – there’s only one thing that Jason could possibly admire enough to warrant all this loyalty.  Everything really does go back to the Magic Penis in this show.


By Mysti

To write to Mysti about this
column click here.