Sam Bashing 101

Yes, I totally agree with you all that Sam is a complete idiot.

I dislike her so much that I cannot wait until she gets off of my screen. 

Let’s talk about how much Sam sucks.  In order to do that we must go into Sam’s life in PC in a little detail… 

First of all, she is introduced to us as a thief and a con-artist.  Sure that might have been intriguing but not with our GH writers.  Since the moment they brought her onto the screen, I have not liked her.  The first time I truly noticed how much she sucks is when she sabotaged Jax’s car so that she could get her grubby little hands on the “Dead-man’s hand”, and then Jax’s father died before the cards could work their magic (btw… WORST storyline ever!).  After she did him like that, Jax was somehow able to forgive her or get along with her or whatever, and he started to help her with her salvage boat and gave her a lucky charm or whatever and helped her keep some independence.  And then the girl meets Sonny via a kidnap attempt and is smitten by his awesome kidnapping prowess.  Then she went and slept with both Sonny and Jax in the same night (with ne’er a shower in between).  That let me know right there that she was a slut.  If you can recall, she didn’t want Jax to tell Sonny or whatever, like she didn’t just willing jump his bones.  (I’m just saying, if it was me, and I was trapped in a fire-filled hotel, I would be trying to get the hell out, not get off, if you know what I mean).  Then, once she realized she was indeed implanted by Sonny’s magic seed, she all of a sudden was in love with him.  And then she got her azz dumped and sent over to Jason’s, where she still tried to insinuate herself over at Sonny’s place every chance she could (but we are supposed to forget that and believe that Carly would EVER actually like her and want her with Jason now).  See we all forgot this little aspect of Sam’s character… even back then she was obsessed instead of being “in love”, esp. if it was with someone she couldn’t have.

Then I must admit (I know this sounds/reads bad) but she got a little less annoying when she lost that baby.  I got to see a little more emotion/humanity from her and she and Jason really connected over the loss of her baby.  And weren’t we all excited about that kiss that they had: as she slowly and drunkenly fell to the floor and kissed Jason (once again, early signs: we should have known that Sam likes to do all her business on the floor).  And they had some really sweet moments and I didn’t hate her so much. 

Oh but then she started with her whole “I hate Alexis and everything bad that’s ever happened to me is because of her”…  You know b/c Alexis causes the sun to set and the moon to shine in its absence. 

Oh yes, and then that terrible virus thing happened (btw… WORST storyline ever! …except that it brought Robert back).  And Sam started running around SCREECHING and whining at everyone she laid eyes on even though she was supposedly dying (when I am SLEEPY I cannot even yell like that).  And then, once again, I realized why I hated her and why exactly she sucks so hard.  She got it into her head that she had the RIGHT to ask Alexis to give up her life and her children for Sam’s “disabled” brother.  Uhh, what!?!  It was either give those stem cells to Kristina or throw them away in the trash, and you didn’t even make that “decision,” Sonny did… but I still don’t understand how giving up your LIFE is the equivalent.  Did the doctors have to kill you child for those stem cells?  Or did you have to give up your life in order to save Kristina?  I’m going to go with a “no” on that one.  And once again she started that whole Alexis is the root of all evil, worse than Hitler, Judas, Satan, etc.

Then when Alexis was forced to do her job, instead of being mad at Jason for making you a target, you once again run around town screaming at everyone you can visualize making sure that they all know that you are once again a target b/c of Alexis (no, it has nothing to do with your mob ties, not at all).

Then she decides to go all Johnny Quest to find out who her real mother is.  That, of course, just happens to be Alexis (*insert eye roll here*).  Once again Alexis is the reason why everything that went wrong in her life (are you seeing a recurring theme here much like GH’s dialogue?).  And she and Jason just COULDN’T figure out why Alexis would give up her child (you know, the child she had when she was 16).  But then she gets shot and Jason tells Alexis that Sam’s her kid and even though Alexis doesn’t like her azz to begin with esp. since she turned stalker, she accepts her into her and her children’s lives with open arms, freakin goes and buys a HOUSE so that Sam can move in with her family, and shows Sam what a real mother is (more than Carly ever will be no matter how many times those people try to tell me differently) by trying to keep her safe/alive by getting Jason to stay away from her.  Sure Alexis was a bit over the top (and also got on my very last nerve), but she was doing it out of love.  And in her defense, all she did was influence (not make) Jason’s decision.

Then, here is the craziest part of all:  Sam goes and sleeps with her mother’s husband.  And I don’t care what kind of re-writes they try to pull, I was there and she slept with Ric to get revenge on her mother and Jason (I mean she said something along the lines of “they will regret what they did to me” or something like that when she was at the police station.  I ask you, what does that mean to you?)  And then, right after she WILLINGLY had sex with Ric she flips the script and starts blaming Ric for what exactly I do not know (last I checked, he didn’t stick a plastic spork to her head and force her to have nasty, dirty sex on her momma’s floor with her momma’s husband!).  Then, somehow, some way Jason was able to look past her nastiness and forgive her (somewhat) for what she did to HIM, and all she can do is talk to him like he chose to give Liz a Valentine’s Day card and not her azz during 5th grade recess.  I mean the ONLY reason why he turned to Liz is because SHE SLEPT WITH HIS MORTAL ENEMY RIC.  I mean he actually saw the sh*t and she is acting like her pain is comparable to his.  Hell if you ask me, she should even be allowed to express those feelings of pain.  Sam has no connection to Liz, but Jason has a connection with (hatred of) Ric.  Also, I cannot believe that she is once again; going around town yelling and telling everybody Liz’s business and yelling at her like Liz set the whole thing up.  Like Liz had her go sleep with Ric (which is what really set this whole thing in motion).  How come Sam didn’t mention her tryst?  Because she is selfish and wants others to feel sorry for her and she knows that if they knew the whole story, they wouldn’t. 

Sam is just a plain nasty, slept with her mother’s husband, breaks promises daily, selfish, and does not believe in taking showers in between various sleeping partners harlot.  The writers have written this character to unredeemable status (hell, I would be able to swallow Ric’s redemption before hers, just give his azz a brain tumor), and there is just no use for her in PC any longer.  She needs to be the one that dies come Sweeps. 

Sorry for the long rant and the Sam-Bashing101 (there IS so much of that going around as of late isn’t there?)… 

Thanks for Reading,

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