Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

September 11, 2008

AMC

Kendall is seeing the side of Zach that he normally conceals fairly well. Who can blame him, though, as he believes Josh embezzled #20 million from him. Guess Josh should have thought twice before giving his inheritance to the Miranda Center. But heck, as he put it, he wasn't supposed to be among the living, anyway, thanks to what Erica thought she'd done all those years ago.

“It's not your poll numbers I'm worried about.” No, Samuel, Erica's got another set of pole numbers on her mind. Will you measure up? We will probably never know, as La Kane told him she thought they were taking things too fast. Good luck in the election! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Now that 'Dre will be joining his dad on the campaign trail, Cass is back in Paris and Frankie may be redeployed to Iraq, Pine Valley's black population just dropped by nearly 50 percent, and that's a darn shame. It was nice to see some diversity in the Valley.

So, Zach is going to make Josh “disappear,” and Kendall can't ask him anything about it. How very Godfather-ish of him. Erica may have a few questions (“Didn't I abort him already?”), and so might Bianca (“Isn't he that dude who gave all that money to my foundation?”), and even Greenlee (“Since he's sort of an abortion, does that mean I didn't sleep with him?”). Fortunately for Josh, Kendall overpowered Zach's goons with pepper spray and he ran straight to Erica. This should be interesting.

Strangely enough, I like the dynamic between DeadRichie and CrazyAnnie. Billy “Richie” Miller is gone for good now, and I have no clue how the character of Annie can possibly be redeemed, but this is almost as good as when Janet From Another Planet would talk to mirrors. Almost.

“I have a cardiac arrest to check on.” Hang out a moment longer, Frankie, and you can treat your mother's. Angie's upset, and, really, who could blame her? Like any other mother, the news of her child's redeployment was thoroughly terrifying. (Love her as I do, I did think it a stretch when she blamed Jesse's return to the PVPD for Frankie's “I'm a soldier; it's my duty” attitude.)

It took a lot of chutzpah for Josh to go running to Erica, considering he stole, in part because his mommy didn't love him enough to have him. He's a “crime against nature,” as he put it, a “freak show.” (For those of you who may not know, the classic definition of “chutzpah” is someone who kills his parents, then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he's an orphan.) Cry me a river, Josh.

LINE OF THE WEEK: “You don't want me to talk to you, you want me to agree with you.” With that, Zach neatly summed up Kendall's view of the world. Does she really expect their marriage to survive when she puts everyone else before her husband?

Tad's finally given in and consented to send Satanella to a therapist, but first he and KWAK have to meet with the doctor. Will the therapist stick with the theory that Kathy's behavior isn't Tad's fault for not finding her sooner, or come to the conclusion that they're all a bunch of wackadoodles?

“You can go home. Ask the nanny to introduce you to our sons. The little one is Ian and the toddler is Spike.” Yeah, I know, Zach only spoke the first four words, so I filled in the rest.

Did you notice that Zach has a picture of Ryan Annie and Emma on his desk (well, until Kendall cleared it off with carnal thoughts on her mind)? Strange, no? I thought Ryan cleared his stuff out of that office months ago.

I realize that you have to secure firearms so that your kids don't find them, but by the time you get the key from the bar, unlock the clock, dial the combination to the gun's lockbox, and then find the ammo and load said gun, you might be dead.

Here's a thought: could Annie be setting up Petey as an alibi for when she tries to kill Greenlee? I mean, if she claims she was playing Mrs. Robinson with him at the time, do you really think he'd deny it? HELL, no!



GH

“It's a simple question. Yes or no: did you have sex with Carly the night you took Michael to the Institute?” “Yeah.” <SFX> THUNDERCLAP

“You slept with Sonny, at least once that I know of.” <SFX> LOUDER THUNDERCLAP

Sonny promised Kate it would never happen again, but she's been well informed of his track record of rebounding with his ex. Carly begged Jax to let her explain. Separately, each played the Michael card - grief, unbearable pain, it just happened, yada, yada, yada.

LINE OF THE WEEK: “You went straight from Sonny to me.” Sound familiar, Jax? Or did Sam do you, then Sonny, during the cataclysmic event at the hotel a couple of years ago?

Is it me, or did Carly conveniently forget her dumbest plot of all, to pass Jason off as the father had Sonny knocked her up? She certainly didn't mention it to Jax, even though she was truthful about everything else (which was odd in itself).

Maxie recognized the significance of going from “The Bad Blonde One” to “Maxinista” in Spinelli's lexicon. Might she begin to realize how deeply his feelings have changed as well? (And wasn't Jason cute trying to play Cupid?)

Sonny, there's a reason you usually tootle around in a limo driven by someone else. No, not so you can have sex (well, sometimes), but because some people should just leave the driving to others. I'm sure Claudia would agree!

So Serena Baldwin's in Paris and The Ditzy Don not only knows this, but also has her exact address and knows that she lives alone. For a man with such an ability to find a stranger, it's amazing that he never was able to track down Johnny and Lulu when they were hiding out in the old 'hood in New York City.

Epiphany must be softening. Edward called her “Toots” and she didn't deck him!

Doctors are not permitted to operate on relatives. Why, then, is Scotty prosecuting his son's alleged killer? Yeah, right, he got some kind of special dispensation or something, and it's a soap, we're supposed to suspend reality much of the time. Still, it's a dumb plot device. My only hope is that he implodes in front of the judge and jury next week.

RANDOM CONFESSIONS

Last week I mentioned how amazing it was that Liz, a single working mother, could afford to keep her art studio, and was gently reminded by a loyal reader that Jason had bought the studio for her. Guess I missed that! Thanks for the correction! I love getting mail from you, so please don't hesitate to drop me an email if you're so moved. Corrections, cheers, jeers, your own personal take on the show - feel free! No MonaVie pitches, though, I'm not a big fan of MLM (BTW, Derk “Max” Cheetwood is ranked even higher than Steve “Jason” Burton on MonaVie's list of sales leaders)!