You know what would make all of this so much better? 
SET IT TO MUSIC!

First:  Custody Fight:  The Tragedy 

Hmm.  I almost don’t know what to write, such is my dismay.  Was it just me, or did this week stretch on and on, essentially characterized by the same conversation, over and over?  How many times did we have to hear Todd say, “That’s my son!  I want my son!” and hear Marcy mewl and cry, “That’s our son!”  Todd and Marcy were so over the top that I began to expect a song and dance routine, ala Prom Night:  the Musical.  Custody Fight:  the Tragedy is so far punctuated by elaborate groans, tears, and anger.  The dialogue is slightly elevated toddler speak (Mine! No, it’s mine!) and the court scenes are laughably unreal.  

In fact, that unbelievability is making it difficult to feel pain for either side, honestly.  .  Todd gets a slap on the wrist for assaulting a cop, stealing his gun, breaking out of jail, and interrupting Lindsay’s arraignment?  Puh-leaze.   And what was up with nu-lawyer?  And didn’t we see three different judges in a day and a half? The court room was a revolving door, apparently.   

 When John revealed the secret of Tommy’s parentage, Michael appeared so out of character that it was jarring. Marcy doesn’t notice that Michael has been replaced by Zombie Michael?    Surely Marcie would clue in to the fact that Michael ought to be ranting and raving a bit?  He did kick a chair leg, rather halfheartedly.  Big whoop.   Normally I am a huge fan of Nathaniel Marston, but this week was a bizarrely underplayed performance.  He appeared completely unruffled, his mouth drawn into a permanent frown, as if he were listening to someone read a term paper.  He seems remarkably withdrawn from Marcie’s pain.   

Todd, of course, is immune to Marcie’s pain.  His flagrant disregard for other people’s feelings is dead on Todd Manning, but it made me long for the softening of Evangeline’s presence.  I can’t help but think about how much more emotionally riveting this storyline would be if the wisdom of Evangeline Williamson were present.  Blair is trying to be the voice of reason, but Todd’s attitude of dismissal is so harsh that I had a hard time understanding why Blair didn’t end up in tears.  Do you really want to have to mother a man who treats you so reprehensibly?  Their dynamic has devolved from playful, maybe they’ll get back together ho-humness into full fledged, what-a-bastard-Todd-is dynamics.  Ugg.  I realize that Todd is an asshole, but could we at least see him giving a damn about someone?  He doesn’t appear to give a damn about Tommy, despite his insistence on having him back.    

Maybe they should set this story to music.  Marcie’s whining might not be so annoying if it had musical accompaniment.  Todd could appear on a black stage, further illustrating his go it alone attitude.  At least we’d have something to giggle at!  My only consolation is that this ridiculously accelerated custody fight is on the shortest time table I’ve ever seen on OLTL. 

Second:  John and Marty 

I may be the only one out there (here?), but I actually like the John and Marty pairing.  That being said, I was soooo disappointed in the mangled scenes of their first kiss.  This is what we’ve been building up to?  THIS?  Some completely boring, mundane conversation about exes and whether or not Marty has messed up by locking lips with the brooding detective (excuse me, ex-detective)?  YAWN!  I expected so much more from this couple!  Instead, we got a remarkably run of the mill conversation over ice cream.  I’m all for infusing some reality into relationships, but this was more boring than reality.  This was space filler, and a waste of the actors’ talents.    

Third:  Natalie/Jessica/Jared/Nash 

Call me a sucker, but I am all about some Jared Banks.  What is his purpose?  How did he know Tess (and we know it ain’t good)?  How come Nash Brennan is most interesting in his scenes with other men?  Think about it:  Nash and Clint? Always great.   Nash and Antonio?  The two spawned youtube couple tributes!  Now, Nash and Jared?  Nash seems to have a knack for male interaction.  Perhaps TPTB could spin an interesting angle based on his skill?  Just a thought. 

Until next week,
Amber